Heartbreak

04:24

OH HI THERE to my like, three, loyal readers (shout out) and welcome to anyone new who stumbles across this blog.

So, once again, I haven't written anything for ages.. although, as my last post may have hinted, I've had a real horror of a year so far so maybe you can forgive me..?

As most girls (unfortunately) know by their mid-twenties, there is no pain like heartbreak. My cousin Jo once said that to me when I was experiencing it all for the first time at 21, and she was so right - it's a pretty indescribable feeling.

But actually, this experience of heartbreak has been different for me. Before, it was all loud and sobby with public breakdowns, facebook statuses and LOADS of 'boys are shit' chats in the mix. It did really REALLY hurt, but it was manageable. Also, I had a holiday booked to take my mind off things and a few months later I went back to University for my final year and proceeded to have quite possibly the best year of my life. So, ya know, that was that.

This time it has been truly horrendous. The utter sadness has felt engulfing, suffocating and lonely, and even over a glass of wine with my girls (who have been unrelentingly excellent) we haven't been able to make enough sense of the situation to attempt a light-hearted "what are men like?!" I mean, I am managing to take some comfort in that almost everyone is as confused as I am, but at the same time it's unhelpful to hear how "perfectly matched" everyone thought we were because, clearly, we weren't as great as I thought. Or maybe we were.

I guess the truth is I might never really understand what changed, and that's hard to accept - I think the confusion and deep-rooted devastation is what's causing the constant knot of anxiety in my stomach and making it so hard not to dwell.

Anyway, that's what's going on and that's why I've felt so tooootally uninspired to blog. I HAVE however found some sort of inner strength to motivate myself enough to join the gym, re-focus on my career in my new job (Soap & Glory by the way) and move flat (from West to South London).

SO, there is some hope that the next post could be about my new H&M activewear, a review of the new Soap & Glory makeup products (which are amazing by the way) or a run down of all the new interior bits on my to-buy list, and get things back to a 'normal me' vibe. I've just got to encourage myself into a happier place first.

Back soon! Lx

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